Navigating Milestones and Grief as a Mom

It’s May, which means my house is one giant countdown clock.
School’s almost out. Summer’s almost here. And apparently so is every single emotional milestone I didn’t feel ready for.

Sophia turned 19 in January.
Abby just turned 21
Michael is officially a teenager.
Cameron is about to be 15.
And Onyx – my baby – starts kindergarten this fall.

Excuse me while I go cry into my allergy meds.

Growing up happens every year — that part’s not new. But this year is harder than others. Besides the fact that Abby is now officially adult and Onyx is almost in Kindergarten, but that this is all happening without my dad.

We are currently going through all of the firsts since he passed in December. Even on days that aren’t mine, I feel it. He was always the first to text or call, the first to respond to a Facebook post and was the loudest cheerleader in all of our lives.

I think that part of what makes this year so tender is realizing how many versions of me are trying to keep up — the mom, the daughter, the grown-up kid still looking for her dad’s voice in the crowd.

So I’m giving myself grace. Or at least trying to. Because these milestones don’t just belong to my kids — they’re reshaping me, too.